Saturday, November 26, 2011

Happiness, Work, and Getting "In Flow"

After a few months of working at my first professional job in the software industry, my mentor surprised me by asking me what makes me happy. I was stumped. I certainly wasn't thinking about happiness. Instead, I was trying to figure out the dynamics of the organization, without the benefit that comes with experience. My first line boss was crazy and a little mean spirited, so I was trying to figure out how to work around her. In the back of my mind I was wondering if I should find another job. Meanwhile, I was voluntarily working long hours, and I didn't really have hobbies, other than my morning runs. I asked my mentor what made him happy and he wasted no time responding, “Christmas!” It was August in Boca Raton, and he was already smiling about Christmas. He loved everything about it. He was planning his Christmas party, and refining his Christmas card list. After two contemplative days, I had an answer for him. Though I had no pets, I had always loved dogs. My husband and I had taken to going to dog shows on weekends, to research the kind of dog we'd like to get (my husband's effort to stall my dog adoption effort). I looked forward to the shows, and enjoyed talking to the owners about their dogs. The thought of dogs and going to these shows made me happy, so, though it took a while, I came up with an answer. 

Answering
this question might be difficult for many adults. Still, it bothered me that it took me two days to come up with even a single answer. Being able to identify happy activities became even more important to me after the birth of my first child, since I knew wanted my children to have happy memories of their childhood. Furthermore, happiness is one of the main tools in my growing collection of mental tips to keep the vanity pounds at bay. Research supports me on this in a few ways. First, Professor Tim Sharp, in his book 100 Ways to Happiness: A Guide for Busy People, says that instead of losing weight to become happy, become happy to not only lose weight, but to nurture relationships and manage your time better. Second, apparently happiness in adults and teenagers can come from the satisfaction you get while participating in engaging activities. According to Martin Seligman in his book Authentic Happiness
Life satisfaction occurs most often when people are engaged in absorbing activities that cause them to forget themselves, lose track of time and stop worrying. "Flow" is the term Claremont Graduate University psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced cheeks-sent-mee-hi) coined to describe this phenomenon.
People in flow may be sewing up a storm, doing brain surgery, playing a musical instrument or working a hard puzzle with their child. The impact is the same: A life of many activities in flow is likely to be a life of great satisfaction, Csikszentmihalyi says. And you don't have to be a hotshot to get there.  "One of the happiest men I ever met was a 64-year-old Chicago welder with a fourth-grade education," he says. The man took immense pride in his work, refusing a promotion to foreman that would have kept him from what he loved to do. He spent evenings looking at the rock garden he built, with sprinklers and floodlights set up to create rainbows.
 When I am “in flow”, either at work or play, eating is the last thing on my mind. When I am “in flow”, I am much less likely to eat out of habit or proximity to snack foods. At work, I have learned that I'd rather have a good conversation with some really smart folks and or decision-makers than eat, anytime. Sure you can do both, but I'd rather listen and talk, than eat and talk. We live in a wonderful country, where food is readily available, and I can eat anytime. But I don't always have access to these folks and I treasure the time that I do. I hear similar stories from artists. One woman I know starts a sculpture in the morning, and doesn't think about stopping until it becomes too dark to see. Another describes it as being possessed.  She stays in her workshop making glass beads for most of the day without giving a thought to food.

When I hear or experience these stories of “flow”, I am reminded of the lesson I learned at my first job not to take happiness for granted. If food is "too important" in your life, understand your passions to help you re-prioritize the importance of food in your life. Once you understand these passions, it is far easier to focus on those activities, spend more time “in flow” and bypass the very transitory satisfaction that comes from a handful of M&Ms or a Krispy Kreme Donut.

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