Go to Lots of Meetings in 2012 (to Learn the Rules of the Game)

I wish I had understood at the beginning of my career that in order to have a shot at being successful I needed to invest some time and energy into really understanding the rules of the game. Only when you understand the rules of the game will you be able to set appropriate and attainable goals.  Only when you understand the game can you know whether you want to 1) play in this game by these rules, 2) play in this game and break a few rules, 3) play in this game and make up new rules, or 4) whether to find another game altogether.
 

How do you figure out the rules of the game? First of all there are rules, and there are rules. I am not talking about the rules that are written down. If you meet with your Human Resources (HR) representative she will share rules that are documented, but don't really matter, like “your lunch hour is x minutes long”.  We should all know by reading Penelope Trunk's advice that if you are doing something more important for the business some of these rules are completely breakable. They are also unlikely to have much of an effect on how successful you will be. No matter how many times you camp out in HR they will not tell you how to be successful. The primary job of HR is to protect the executives from law suits. Despite their name, is not their primary job to be an advocate for employees. You should know this now.

A great way to learn the rules of the game is to watch others.  According to Alexis Grant and Jaclyn Schiff in the blog post Twenty Young Brazen Professional to Watch in 2012

One of the best ways to make strides in your career is by watching others succeed, by making note of how they do it.

But watch who?  You might learn the rules from your boss, but if your boss hasn't shared them with you by now either your boss doesn't know the rules, or doesn't want to share them with you. At this point you have a choice.  You can find a new boss who knows the rules, or you can stick with your boss and continue to learn from others. There are pros and cons to each approach. You can learn more, and learn more quickly, by working with folks who understand the rules of the game. On the other hand, it can be easy to stand out in an organization where you understand the rules better than anyone else.

To understand the rules you have to study the "decision makers". Decision makers can be executives, but are not necessarily executives. Make this a priority. Make it part of your job. The decision makers will differ from organization to organization, even within the same company, and in many organizations can be counted on 1 hand. The best and most straightforward way to learn the rules is to go to meetings that decision makers attend. Everyone complains about going to meetings; they claim they can't do their work because they are always in meetings. The truth is that attending meetings is a very efficient way to learn the unwritten rules of the game. Listen carefully to the discussion. See who in the room influences the decisions that are made. See who ends up with the action items. See who gets dirty looks or just ignored when they speak. See who can interrupt without getting dirty looks. Listen to the kinds of questions that are asked and arguments that are made. Be prepared to answer those types of questions and make similar arguments if you have the chance to participate in the meetings or make a presentation. Decision makers tend to ask the similar questions from meeting to meeting.

Get to know the decision makers, even casually if you have the chance. Volunteer to serve on committees with them. No one wants to serve on committees so that can be an easy way to get the opportunity to learn from decision makers. Stop and chat with them at lunch. Talk to them in the break room if you can. Be ready with a few ideas you'd like to discuss. I can't tell you how many opportunities I've wasted by not having anything business related to bring up on the elevator or in the break room when I ran into an executive. Also you may mitigate the chance that you'll say something stupid :(

Most of the people I know, who want to get ahead but whose careers have stalled or plateaued, understand the rules on some level, but think the rules are stupid and don't want to follow them. These people have a strong, almost moral sense about how things should work. This is not a very practical way of approaching your career. If you really think the rules are stupid, it may be time to find a different game to play.

Christmas Fever and the Vanity Pounds

I have Christmas fever again. That means that everything other than caring for my family, connecting with friends, going to work, and preparing for Christmas takes a back seat. When my children were younger, I thought Christmas Fever was a short term thing. I thought it's onset was due to my daughter's dance schedule during Christmas, in combination with the need to keep the magic of Santa alive, which both take some effort and energy! But my 14 year old daughter quit dance in January, and the Santa mystique is no longer an issue, yet here I am again. So much to do and not enough time.  The good news is that it is fun and all worth it. Helping to make memories! Why miss the chance to do everything possible to show my family and friends how much I care at this time? How can I miss the opportunity to create some fun? These opportunities don't come along every day.

Thanksgiving kicks off the holidays and demands enough attention to require at least two weeks of my spare time. Starting with the lists! There are lists to make and re-make. So many lists!!!!

There are new recipes to think about trying. Variations on classics? Should I try to make that cute table setting that looks like it might be easy enough to make? There is Black Friday (which is not for everyone) but can be fun (watch out for that crazy lady with the pepper spray going for the XBox)! There are presents to order or buy and wrap. There are greeting cards to create! There are decorations to put up. There are goodies to bake. There are friends to catch up with, who are also off of work for a few days. There are holiday performances to go to. There is traveling to do, or visitors to host. Regardless of what you choose to focus on and to do, there is more to focus on and more to do than you can do.

Besides the fact that it's all just flat out fun, the good news is that changing your routine is frequently good when you are trying to lose a few pounds. It can really help you understand some of those habits that keep you from taking weight off. It seems counterintuitive to think that holidays can be a good time to lose a few pounds but think about it.  

1. If you are transporting kids to special events in the evenings you are away from home and not home mindlessly grabbing a few snacks. That can make a difference. 
2. If you are busy shopping, it is easy to skip lunch or just grab something little to tide you over. 
3. If you are busy shopping, walking all around the mall or shopping centers for a few hours is probably as much exercise as most people get during a trip the gym. I am not kidding. If you move constantly for a few hours---and who can shop for less than a few hours---- even if you are not running, you'll burn major calories.  
4. If you have fun meals to look forward to, it is easy to give up a few snacks or meals in anticipation of that meal. 
5. Then when you have that meal you can either relax and not worry about calories, or be a little more particular and deliberately savor each bite. Most of it will be excellent and not all of it will be so caloric. You can eat a lot of green bean casserole without worrying about a thing. 
6. You probably have a few days off sometime around the holidays so it is easy to find time for an extra run or trip to the gym. 
7. It is far easier to maintain good habits when you are very busy, and there is no time like the holidays to stay busy. So don't necessarily assume that you are fated to put on 5 pounds because it is the holidays.  That's the bright side. 
8. On the other hand, don't worry if you do.  The other bright side is that gaining a few pounds is an excellent opportunity to practice recovering from a lapse, and recovery and maintenance is what it is all about.

The Vanity Pounds, Southern Style

When we moved north from South Florida "to the South" I learned a little bit about southern charm.  One of the things I found particularly charming was the way my new friend Laura would respond to the question, "How are you?" Instead of saying "Fine" (the correct non-answer where I am from) she will frequently say, "We had a really good weekend", with a few details about why.  This level of disclosure surprised me, because where I am from, "How are you?" is a rhetorical question. Unless you were a child, the only acceptable response was "Fine". I found it charming, though I was not really sure why until later, when it became part of a big change in my outlook.

Fast forward a few years, and the new found knowledge that I was the mother of a child with special needs. No one is prepared to hear the news that your child is not developing normally.  It's hard to know what to do with that news, and in the beginning I admit that I had some pretty dark days and nights.  One time my husband saw me sitting on the stairs staring ahead.  My husband, wiser than I, gently pointed out that this was not helping anyone.  It was clearly not good for me, and wasn't helping either of my children. 

I needed a different way of looking at the future and luckily I remembered Laura's yardstick of measuring progress a day at a time.  Using the yardstick of days or weekends got me through some tough times.  I even blogged about it a few times!  It gave me the opportunity to focus on the good things that were going on now.  Furthermore, besides setting career, educational, and financial goals, I decided that I should set goals for my family to have a good and happy days, weekends or weeks.  Of course one cannot completely forego long term goals but it is possible to try to balance that focus with some shorter term goals.   

Being a mother changes you, and some of the techniques I have adopted as a result of my daughter with special needs are good for all of my life.  They are not always easy to adhere to but it is worth trying, right?  If you can identify the components that make up a good day, you can more easily measure your progress.  You may not be able to incorporate every component of how you define a good day into each day but that's okay.  You'll have bad days, so take that opportunity to learn from them.  Write it off as a bad day, grab a good book or turn on a good movie, and move onto the next day! 

You'll have bad days. I am sure Laura does, but she does not report on them. She focuses on the good times, which I am pretty sure drives more good times.