Mental Prisons: Part 2 - After You've Got the Infrastructure in Place

More on mental prisons, and how to change long held habits.  Remember, remember, remember, changing long held habits is a process, not an event.  I can't stress this enough.  In this process, the most important thing is to be prepared for set backs and when they happen (they will), to get back on course.  After years of searching for answers, years of practice recovering from set backs, and STILL making mistakes and recovering (and making mistakes) I thought I would have more answers by now.  I don't.  I have a few tips and tricks that help me a lot.  I am working on others.  This very high level numbered set is focused on embracing the mistakes and weaknesses.  Mistakes made are the best opportunity to learn. 

1. Get that infrastructure in place.  You may not need it forever, but it is good to set it up and to know it is there.
2. Beating yourself up won't help.  It is so easy to do.  It won't help you or anyone you care about, and even worse, it might hurt and set you on a destructive path. Feeling like a failure is the easiest way to decide to give up and set your course in the wrong direction.  Some of the most important lessons you will learn on this journey are how to recover and change course back on a path to accomplishing your goals.  The best way to learn for the long run, is through set backs, so consider the set-backs a critical part of the process.  Embrace them and learn from them. 
3. Get to know yourself and your weaknesses.  We all have the best of intentions, and then instead of stopping after that well planned dinner, one small indulgence turns into two or five. Don't worry.  Don't give up.  Forgive yourself, go to bed.  Or read a good book, or watch a good movie or a television show that will make you laugh (or cry...whichever you enjoy). Sleep and start over. The morning will look different. No dieter, non-smoker, former alcoholic, or successful business owner has ever gotten where they want to be the first time they tried to quit.  Look yourself in the mirror, have some resolve and remind yourself that this is a marathon, not a sprint.  And most important, use the trip up as a learning experience. See what the trigger was, what the effect is in the morning and over the next few days. Then analyze the event, and try to figure out what might have helped you stay on track. You can do better next time.  
4. It sometimes happens that there can be a long time between the lapse and getting back on course.  That's okay.
5. Listen to your body more carefully than you do the experts. Believe in yourself. For example, for a long time the experts have been telling us that fat is the enemy.  Lot of data is coming out in the last few years casting doubt on that.  Probably the jury is still out on that, and furthermore, what works for one person, may not work for you.  So all I am saying is listen to your body and pay attention to the effects of your behavior. Design a diet that works for you. 
6. Don't wait. If you can envision it now, go for it.  You don't have to wait until after that vacation or party. Believe it or not, vacations and parties can be the BEST times to start. There is so much to distract you from thinking about food. 
   

Mental Prisons: Part 1 - Build the Infrastructure to Escape

We all know that dieting is pretty darn hard. It requires us to resist some of the things that we are hardwired to want (I don't know about you, but I am pretty sure I was born craving Krispy Kreme donuts and extra dark russet potato chips). Besides naturally craving food that is high in calories (to help get us through those long winters when it might be too cold to grow our Krispy Kreme donuts and potato chips!), we form our initial eating habits when we are very young and easily influenced. It can be very difficult to change those habits, even if you know you should, and really want to change them.  We all have examples of habits we'd like to shed and have not been able to.  I believe that a lot of the difficulty can come from not really believing we can really do it.  If a goal is not in your world view (the fundamental cognitive orientation of an individual or society encompassing the entirety of the individual or society's knowledge and point-of-view, including natural philosophy), you probably don't have a clear vision of how to accomplish the goal and most importantly, the belief in yourself that you can succeed.  And by succeed I mean more than initial success.  I mean succeed all the way through the inevitable ups and downs of trying to accomplish that goal.  I refer to this state as being in a mental prison.  Most of us really do hold the key, or keys to that prison but they can be hard to find. Sometimes we need multiple keys because the doors are double or triple locked. In addition to difficultly finding the keys the path out of the prison is frequently not clear and mired with obstacles.  

The help you get by setting goals that are within your world view does not only apply to weight loss.  I see examples of this in many aspects of life, including career choice.  Kids who grow up around adults who are doctors or lawyers are more likely to aspire to go to medical school or law school.  It's in their world view.  Many children in private schools come from families whose parents have been successful in their careers.  It's catching, and their children believe they too can be successful, and after private school they frequently go to good colleges, graduate school or start a business.  And if many of their peers aspire to higher education, it can be in the "world view" of other kids in the school?  But if it is not in your world view to see that you can get from here to there you will be less likely to believe you can really do it. 

One reason that it can be hard to change your world view is that accomplishing most worthwhile goals takes many many years.  There is no weekend course for medical school or law school.  Even getting admitted to medical school requires a lot discipline, good behavior, and abstaining from other things (that might be more enjoyable) for many years.  Once admitted to medical school, it takes many more years of hard work.  But at least in medical school or any graduate program, you are surrounded with like minded folks to compare yourself to, so if you do your part, you can come to believe that you can complete your goal.  You can even botch a few tests and still succeed overall if you recover from a few bad grades, by studying harder, and keeping your eye on the ball.  Similar to this, if a person has decided to lose weight, gotten to their goal weight, and stayed there for a while, they did not get there without set-backs and lapses.  Like a bad grade every now and then, set-backs happen.  The real key to getting to and staying where you want to be is not to let them throw you off course.  As a student, if you have a bad teacher who gives you an unfair test, you can blame the bad grade on the teacher.  However, with weight loss there is no one to blame but yourself, therefore recovering from a set back is all on you.  So, if you don't really believe you can accomplish your goal, it is very easy to give up.  

It can be so hard that though I believe that almost any adult is capable of making dietary changes I am usually surprised when I see them do it. I believe they can, but I am not sure they do.  And you know what? Life is short and there are lots of important and worthy things to focus on. Changing eating habits and mindsets, and powering through lapses, requires focus.  I truly believe people should focus on what is important to them at the time. If losing weight is not a priority at the moment, I say don't sweat it. Something else important is probably a priority to you now so focus on that. There is always time to lose weight.

If you feel you might be ready to change your eating habits, build up an infrastructure.  The primary key to success with long term goals is to learn how to recover from the lapses.  An infrastructure and support group can help you get back on the right path when you trip up or lapse.  How can you do this?

1. Find a support group so you surround yourself with like-minded folks.  It's not for everyone, but it is certainly helpful for many.  Weight Watchers, fitness clubs, or classes and programs at the YMCA work for many.  I know my mom used to come and go at Weight Watchers.  Apparently a million + folks agree with her.  She went when she needed it, and took a break when she didn't.  I see friends and neighbors do the same thing with Weight Watchers, fitness clubs and the YMCA. Our local YMCA has programs that folks can sign up to do, such as a team competition program designed after the Biggest Loser.  Classes at fitness programs can be motivating and give you the chance to bond with like-minded folks. 

2.  Sign up to some forums on the internet.  I had fun with some South Beach diet forums when I tried the South Beach diet.  As with fitness clubs you can bond with folks who have similar weight loss goals, and support one another.  You can set up regular weekly roll calls giving folks and opportunity to check in.  You can celebrate victories and offer support and encouragement when goals are not achieved.  You can learn about diet and exercise tips, and offer your own.  The more you hear about success from ordinary folks, the more you'll believe you can do it too.  You can also find some strength if you can inspire others with your own tips and tricks.

3.  Find some blogs that can provide inspiration.  Usually it takes just a few minutes to read a blog post, and you may be able to hear from someone who has been through the school of hard knocks and learned a thing or two.  From those blogs, you will see that they will usually link to their favorite blogs.  Occasionally I enjoy Mark's Daily Apple.  I am definitely not as hard core-low carb as he and many of his readers.  But I can always get a tip or trick, a recipe (coconut encrusted chicken) or some inspiration by reading success stories.  Amazon's Al Dente can be a fun stop for for recipes, cooking tools, and cooking tips, especially around the holidays.  Jimmy Moore, Living La Vida Low-Carb is very supportive, positive, and full of tips and tricks.  The Fit Bottomed Girls are a lot of fun!  FuturePundit looks to the future on many topics including nutritional health.

4.  Watch the Biggest Loser for inspiration.  You get to know the competitors, and they all have a story, and a strong desire to change their eating habits.  Every week these folks overcome new challenges and rise to new heights, inspiring their coaches, their team mates and Americans who are watching.  It is impossible not to be happy for and inspired by these folks.

5.  Realize that recovering from lapses is even more important than starting.  Learn from your lapses and you will become stronger.  Incorporate your vision of how to accomplish your goal into your world view and you will believe you can accomplish your goals and break free from that mental prison.  

6.  Finally, believe in yourself.  Trust your instincts about what works for you, regardless of what the "experts" say.  

The Vanity Pounds

There are many many books, magazines, blogs, support groups, organizations, and even television shows for people who want to lose weight. I find many of them inspirational. From time to time, I watch the Biggest Loser, and I find myself almost giddy with happiness for all the participants who essentially get a second chance at a happier, healthier life. It is so fantastic to see the physical and emotional transformation that can occur under the influence of a determined human being, with some support. Many of these contestants come to the show successful in many aspects of their life, but have not figured out how to live life as the thin person they want to be. I am sure they leave feeling much better physically, but I am always most struck by the huge emotional lift there seems to be for both the contestant and their supportive families.

I have given a lot of thought to why fitness is important. There is always what the experts say, who tout the benefits of exercise and proper diet, though as we've seen over and over, the definition of proper diet continues to evolve.  The experts remind us to be healthier, be stronger, to live longer. Lower your blood pressure, reduce your “bad” cholesterol levels while increasing the “good”, lower your chance of getting diabetes, cancer, heart disease, auto immune diseases, or dementia. Sleep better. Have stronger bones, lower your bad cholesterol, raise your good cholesterol, increase your muscle mass, have thicker hair, better skin, stronger fingernails.  The experts write about about the latest miracle diet, from “no fat” to “low fat” to “good fat”. And the latest miracle food. From an apple a day to pomegranate juice, experts have been telling us about foods that will improve our health and help us to lose weight. Miracle foods you “must” incorporate into your diet have included milk, olive oil, salmon (fish oil), cranberries, orange juice, yogurt (now it is Greek yogurt), red wine, dark chocolate, walnuts, ace berries and fiber (the aisles of the grocery store are filled with packages advertising the presence of fiber in cereal, pasta, even yogurt).  Coffee is bad for you---wait it's really good for you! The experts claim that you can reduce your chances of illness, and live a healthier, maybe even a longer life if you eat what they recommend.  If you wait a few years, you will frequently find that the results have faded from the public eye, due to having been contradicted with later research, or really just are not as important as they seemed at the time.

Better health is of course important, but can be hard to measure in the short term. And it is harder to be motivated by long term goals than short term goals that are easier to measure. It is easier to be motivated by: 1) a decreasing number on the scale 2) a smaller waist size 3) going down a size in clothing or 4) a compliment by a friend.

So I contend that what motivates most people is vanity. How we look really matters to us, and changes in how we look motivate us to do more of what we are doing. Years ago, if someone had asked me whether I was vain, I would have denied it.  The little thought I had given to the meaning of vanity had it more closely akin to a character flaw than a virtue. Weren't people who were “vain” also self indulgent, vapid, and selfish? Looks don't matter right? Wasn't it better not to worry about my looks and instead worry about how to solve world peace? I was just wrong. Like it or not, looks matter. Furthermore caring about your looks is a sign of self respect. How you look can affect how you feel. It affects how you interact with others and how you do your job.

When I decided to try my hand at a lower carbohydrate diet, I bought the SouthBeach diet book and joined forum discussions where I connected online with a few people who also were trying to lose weight. Though I have long since abandoned the forum, I miss the camaraderie, and I really want to talk to folks about mental tips and strategy for sticking to adjusting your weight loss or maintenance goals. Questions I would love to discuss include:

1. Who has gone on and off diets, and what inspired you to go back on?
   
2. What are you doing differently now than you did when you started?
   
3. What are your splurges?
   
4. How much water/diet coke/tea, etc. do you drink in a day?
   
5. Do you prefer Atkins-like, Weight Watchers-like, low fat, Zone, Mediterranean, Vegetarian? A hybrid? None of the above?
   
6. How do you balance cooking for your family and cooking for yourself?
   
7. How often do you weigh yourself? What kind of a scale do you like?
   
8. I want to talk about exercise. What do you do? How much does it help and in what ways?
   
9. I want to hear about the ups and downs. What triggers the downs? What triggers the ups? In particular, how we can avoid them?
   

I have ideas about some of these topics and would love to hear from other like minded individuals. Humans are complex, and hopelessly optimistic. I would love to hear from those optimists!